| I posted this on myspace too!!! Ok, so life is pretty good. Josh is absolutely amazing and I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. He's not only my boyfriend but my best friend. I know that he will not judge me by what I say or believe. He respects me and my feelings. I looked for so long to find someone for me. I was always on the look out . No matter how much I looked, I was never able to find someone even remotely interested in me. I decided that it was hopeless and started to give up on the fact that I might find someone out there who would like me for me. I will admit that there were guys out there who were interested in me only because of what they thought I had to offer. Let me tell you, they picked the wrong girl to try to get because I have made a promise to myself to wait till marriage to have sex. Anyways, I stopped looking. I found myself uninterested in any of the guys around me anyways so what's the point. Now, I went through my junior and senior year of highschool with out anybody I was really interested in and I was kind of depressed. Watching all my friends and their boyfriends be so happy. I wanted it more than anything in the world. To be able to have someone to hold me when I was down and to share my secret desires with was what I had always hoped for. But highschool was coming to an end and I decided that I wasn't going to worry about it. Why did I need a guy to make me feel better. I loved being single after that. I went to prom with my best friend and I had a blast. I got to be with my friends for a final time and we laughed and cried together. While my friends were worrying about going away for school or the military and being away from boyfriends and girlfriends, I was happy that I didn't have to go through the heartache. Plus, I was able to be there 100% for my friends that needed me. So I stopped worrying about finding someone for me and focused on my friends who needed me. Let me tell you this past summer was fantastic! July came and I found myself a job at the Hartville Pie Factory. This is where the fun begins. So one day, I worked with this guy named Josh Czech. The first thought that crossed my mind was how cute he was. Then I talked to him and found out that he was really nice. He was in college, which meant he had goals and he was so nice to the people around him. He just blew me out of the water. I wasn't quite sure if I had a crush on him yet. I mean I had only known the guy like one night. So over the next few weeks, the little Alex in my head would jump up and down every time I worked with him. I decided to tell Ashley that I liked a guy at my work and I decided to tell my mom. I only told her after she promised not to tell Dave because if you know Dave he would never let me live it down that I liked a guy. I don't remember the circumstances, but one day at work Josh bought my food for me. That gave me an excuse to come in to work the next day with Ashley and have her "meet" him. My excuse was to pay him back for my food. You can imagine my joy when Ashley told me that she approved. So I decided that I would kinda sorta maybe start to flirt with him. Not the giggle at the stupidest things but start a conversation and make excuses to be around him so I can have a conversation. Gradually, we started talking more and more and the little things that he did or said that girls freak out about made me smile on the inside and act like a little kid at Christmas when I told Ashley. Here comes the good part. So one day I decided that I was going to tell Mommy that I would get a ride home because I knew she was busy. I needed to make it look like I just needed a ride home. Josh was out on the porch with Maria and I knew that she wasn't driving at the time because of her car. So I asked her if she could give me a ride home in front of Josh. Obviously she told me she couldn't so I turned around and asked Josh. He said yes! I think lillet Alex in my head had a heart attack. I was so excited. Ok so jumping ahead, he gave me a ride home, I flipped out and told Mommy right away, I still had school the next day, blah blah blah. Ok so in between two of my classes I was on the computers and decided to check myspace. Well, to my surprise Josh had sent me a message saying that he wanted to go out on a date with me and gave me his number. I replied saying I had a class but I would love to out some time. Lucky me, my class was cancelled that night. I rushed to the computers and sent him a message telling him that my class was cancelled and that if he still wanted to do something I would love to. I gave him my number and went home telling him that we would see whos brave enough to call the other first. Ok so I get home and I don't think I'm there half an hour when I get a phone call from Josh telling me that he was almost to my house and asking me if I wanted to go out. I asked Mommy and she said it was fine. YES!!! I frantically clean up at the front door and put my hair up better. It wasnt much help I was in jeans and a t-shirt and I was wearing a hoodie. I was not prepared for this. My first real date and I looked like crap! He picked me up and my mom gave him the don't you dare hurt my daughter speech. We headed to Red Robin and sat down and talked. We had so much in common, it was amazing. We went to his heezy (we were good) and watched Edward Scissorhands. (I told him the night before while he was taking me home from work that I had never seen it.) Then we sat and talked for a while and he took me home. Mom and Dave cornered him and asked him a bazillion questions and he answered them. My dog loved him and all was good. So we hung out the next and the day after that. That day he had some problems with his brother and me being Alex was trying to help and I was telling him that it was going to be ok and what not. That night when he took me home he told me that he wanted to call me his girlfriend. Who in their right mind would say no. I was so excited. I know that it didn't show but I was. So here I am, the girl that had lost hope in finding a boyfriend, hitched to the most wonderful guy ever. It's funny how that works. Right after I stopped looking for someone, someone found me. I was definately not prepared for it. I am still amazed by Josh and his love for me. Everyday I look in the mirror wondering if it had all been a dream. Then I pick up my phone or look at the bear he gave me that I sleep with and I know that all of it has been real. I know that he still loves his ex-girlfriend and people ask me if it bothers me. No, it doesn't. She has helped shape him in to the man that he is and she has done wonderful things for him. I couldn't thank her enough. She helped motivate him to go to college and helped him be more self confident. How can I selfishly ask that he give up his love for someone who has done so much for him and shared so much with him. It's not right and it wouldn't be fair. Josh, I love you with all my heart and you have treated me so well. You have turned my world upside down, inside out and backwards. I have become a better, stronger person because of you and I can never thank you enough. Well' eveyone there you have the story of me and how my life changed. LOL!!! |
i dont know what it is but im feeling all jittery and happy and excited and depressed and hyper and everything all at once!!! ahh grrr.... i dont understand!!!! 
